We are part of the midwestern region in the U.S. that is currently recovering and digging out from our blizzard this week. Our kids have been out of school for three days with little hope of going back even tomorrow.
So I’ve been busy trying to keep everyone entertained while cooped up in the house. I’m running out of ideas! It’s way too cold to even play outside in the snow today at -5 actual temperature, so it’s another day of too many cartoons and toys strewn all over the house.
I’ve also been finishing up that book by Marcus Borg, which I really liked. I looked him up. He’s old:) I don’t know why as I was reading this book I was picturing a younger man, but it turns out he looks a little bit like a thin Santa Claus. I found myself nodding in agreement with so many parts of the book. Borg blogs on The Washington Post website, and he frequently raises quite an ire from some of my fundamentalist friends for his ideas about things like the insignificance of whether or not the Easter story involved an actual reanimated corpse of Jesus or the his displeasure with the fact that so much emphasis in Christianity is placed on a nebulous afterlife. He’s an Episcopal priest, and I’m learning too that the fundamentalists really don’t like the Episcopals because of their liberal leanings. Interesting though, that their beloved C.S. Lewis was a card-carrying Episcopal who viewed Genesis as “true myth” and who believed in the salvation of Christ-like non-Christians.
Our family has been looking for a new church now for about four months. It’s getting exhausting. Every week in a new place, we’ve shaken enough hands to leave a germaphobe ready to swear off ever leaving the house again. With our two small children, church “shopping” is an unpleasant task. Especially for our chromosome-enhanced youngest, who has trouble remaining quiet during church service and can’t easily be dropped off in children’s classes without assistance due to his tendency to run away and his desire to practice his ninja moves on the other children. There is a statistic that floats around out there about a huge majority of families who have a child with special needs who stop attending church because of the inability or unwillingness of the church to make accommodations necessary for the family to participate. Anyway, the more we visit, the more I can see how that happens. It’s far easier to stay home.
I’ve taken a break from this blog for a few days because of my tendency to hyper focus on things. My husband finds this quirk of mine simultaneously annoying and endearing. I have this deep need to get a hold of something, some topic or problem, and wrestle it to the ground by the end of the day. Seeking spiritual truth, whether it be the “one” truth that I’ve been taught my whole life, or whether there is a universal truth with many paths leading to it, is a lifelong journey. I’ll die someday still thinking about it. I don’t like jigsaw puzzles or mystery novels; I like more immediate gratification, so it’s frustrating to not be able to readily find answers that satisfy. I am tempted often to just throw in the towel, which might mean one of two things.
Either I give up searching and join the “spiritual but not religious” crowd who don’t need a church…a beach or a meadow or a forest will do just fine. Or I just go back to the type of church we left which is familiar and comfortable and which doesn’t ruffle any feathers of my family or friends. Going back to that church would not mean accepting the beliefs of that church, however. Both of these options feel wrong for me.